Did that just happen? Yeah...I think it did.

So tonight, I got out of class and started walking to the car with John. I start to take a deep breath and all the sudden my neck muscles feel like they are tightening up around my esophagus. It hurts to breath. John has to take my bag while I stand there trying to breath and feeling like I was getting light headed. We get into the car and my entire neck is tight. I feel like there isn't any blood getting to my head. Even more light headedness. I start to tear up because it all feels so wierd. I felt like I was going to get a migraine for a minute, but that started to pass as I finally felt like I was getting control again. The back of my neck loosened up. The front started to loosen up. I could breath deep.

I think may have had a panic attack or something. It was wierd- I just have too much on my plate right now. Sadly, all I want to do is be alone. Just some quiet time with no reading, no writing, no analyzing, no listening to someone else's issues, no helping to carry someone else's baggage, no picking up after someone, no please take care of my shit, no remembering all the details, no having to hold the big picture, no petty bull, no hoping I remembered, no endless lists of things to do.

I think I just need to be....be quiet, be content, be simple, be away, be behind the scenes, be ok with saying no, be better with boundaries, be silent.

Just Apologizing- Upfront or Afterwards

Well, if anyone is still reading this thing it may mean that you haven't heard from me and I've almost fallen off the face of the planet. Quite possible, given my current state!

I feel really terrible that I have not called dear friends back nor have I kept in touch like I usually do. It's been a crazy ride this academic year. Fall term I had knee surgery, took 14 credits and began a side research project on top of working full time. Then took a quick moment to breath during a visit to Texas- only to return to even more craziness than I know how to handle at the moment.

I feel like I need to say- folks, I'll be back after March 17th! From the time school started for winter term until that date my life is going to be more than I can handle. I have 12 credits, work, conducting a study, writing up the study for a March conference, helping to coordinate a conference, volunteering for Alpha Gam and trying to have a relationship with John. Let's just say that so far, I'm doing all at about a rate of what fire can I put out this moment.

I laughed at myself this past week when my Mom called to quickly ask me what my address is so she could send me something. Yeah- I totally blanked! What...I'm suppose to be smart and stuff but I can't remember my freaking address. I had to look it up on a bill and call her back.

So, with all that being said I just wanted to let everyone out there know that if I haven't returned a phone call or been quick to respond to you in any way, I am so very sorry. I do have a list going of all the folks who have called and I need to call back. You are on my mind- I just need to carve out some time to talk to you. I think, "Oh I could call so and so" but then wouldn't be able to talk long or I am so tired I would fall asleep on the phone with you.

Please still be my friend and know that I love you. I'll be back from this place in time for spring term (only 9 credits and my last term of classes!) and hope to have more time then to be a better friend. Just had to get this off my chest and out to you.

Good Holiday

We had a great holdiay at home in Texas. It involved visits with many wonderful friends and precious family.

Out with the AGD Oldcrew after finding out Robyn is pregnant!

This is my Mom, me, GiGi and Angie on Christmas Day

John and I on New Year's Eve

Me, Marissa, Jess and Robyn

Angie, Cousin Kevin Fowler and Me