So tonight, I got out of class and started walking to the car with John. I start to take a deep breath and all the sudden my neck muscles feel like they are tightening up around my esophagus. It hurts to breath. John has to take my bag while I stand there trying to breath and feeling like I was getting light headed. We get into the car and my entire neck is tight. I feel like there isn't any blood getting to my head. Even more light headedness. I start to tear up because it all feels so wierd. I felt like I was going to get a migraine for a minute, but that started to pass as I finally felt like I was getting control again. The back of my neck loosened up. The front started to loosen up. I could breath deep.
I think may have had a panic attack or something. It was wierd- I just have too much on my plate right now. Sadly, all I want to do is be alone. Just some quiet time with no reading, no writing, no analyzing, no listening to someone else's issues, no helping to carry someone else's baggage, no picking up after someone, no please take care of my shit, no remembering all the details, no having to hold the big picture, no petty bull, no hoping I remembered, no endless lists of things to do.
I think I just need to be....be quiet, be content, be simple, be away, be behind the scenes, be ok with saying no, be better with boundaries, be silent.
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